


20/20 Vision Forward (The Laser Eye Surgery Fic)

by Merrydith



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: Angst, Blowjobs, Break Up, Fluff, Happy Ending, Laser Eye Surgery, M/M, Make Up, POV Dan Howell, POV Phil Lester, Sex, Smut, Some talk about Eye Surgery, Talk of sex, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 14:56:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11150778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merrydith/pseuds/Merrydith
Summary: Phil thought about what he had said. The line he had just crossed. Now as Phil was looking into the red light and the doctor was putting the finishing touches on his eye, he thought about what he had done. Phil was getting a permanent procedure done, all because he didn’t want to leave Dan after they had sex.Just friends his ass.





	20/20 Vision Forward (The Laser Eye Surgery Fic)

**Author's Note:**

> I know I haven't been posting fics in a while.  
> I would say sorry, but I'm not. I've been working on some art.  
> But hopefully, I can do more of both! <3  
> Thanks for reading!!  
> (And I've yet to see another fic about this specific subject. So I'm excited to see if you guys like it!)  
> Comment if you want! It always makes my day!
> 
> Disclaimer: Characters are works of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. I do not own Dan or Phil and as far as I know, this never happened. 
> 
> Reading Time: 00:44:54

Dan’s leg was shaking up and down as he sat in the waiting room. Phil had been in there for an awfully long time and because Dan was not technically related to Phil - it didn’t matter how close they actually were, he wasn’t allowed to go back there with him.

Dan already felt guilty because he had convinced his best friend to do this in the first place. Phil hadn’t originally wanted laser eye surgery. He was pretty nervous about the whole idea in fact. It was Dan who had talked him into it, expressing how much of an inconvenience it was to Phil’s life. In addition, he constantly made fun of Phil’s eyesight and he was sure that it had become a nuisance to his flatmate who was always stubbing his toe or losing things because of the lack of lenses. But that wasn’t why he felt guilty. Phil had a mind of his own and was totally able to make these decisions by himself. Yes, Dan always played a part, but in the end, it was up to Phil and his own corneas. Dan felt guilty because one of Phil’s _major_ reasonings for wanting the surgery was because he didn’t want to get out of bed at the end of the night after sleeping with Dan.

Yupp. That’s right. Sleeping with Dan.

Dan and Phil had been having regular sex for the past 2 months and because Phil didn’t want to get out of bed to change his contact lenses, Dan was sitting here in the waiting room chair, his leg bouncing and his teeth gnawing gently on his bottom lip.

People got this surgery all the time. Nothing was going to go wrong. Phil wouldn’t lose his eyes and he certainly wouldn’t be transformed into some sort of alien creature. Dan was just worried because Phil was so scared only moments before he walked into the operating room. Just moments before the doctors shooed Dan away and told him to sit down and wait.

In an effort to distract himself, Dan pulled out his phone and scrolled through his tag on Tumblr. His recent rebranding stunt was pretty popular and it was getting a lot of attention. Dan chuckled to himself while he scrolled through everyone’s responses, shaking his head at a few of the weird ones. He was quite amused for a few moments until he stumbled upon a post about him and Phil. A classic “heart eyes Howell” post, one where his eyebrows lifted and he was caught staring at his best friend with the eyes he sometimes didn’t even realize he had. He clicked his iPhone off and stared up at the wall in front of him.

Their relationship was complicated. Always had been. Dan was infatuated with Phil when they first met. Yeah, they dated. It went well and they were very much in love until things changed and they started growing up. It didn’t seem that either fell out of love but they was confused and unable to control their feelings or desires, a mutual break up following a tiny fight in 2012. But it didn’t seem to affect much, the two-year relationship ended but their friendship did not, in fact, they both joked about how it merely strengthened their bond and they laughed about how they had seen each other naked once upon a time. Now that Dan knew who he was, the book, the tour and everything else helping solidify that fact, he reflected fondly upon his friendship with Phil and every now and then, he would flash his best friend a glance that seemed to belong in 2009. His love for Phil never faded but it seemed that it just wasn’t in the cards. They were happy as friends and since nobody brought it up, it never changed. And that was how Dan liked it.

That is until about two months ago. Dan knew that neither of them were getting any because of how busy their schedules were and as friends who had experienced literally everything together, including sex, he brought it up as a joke. They were cooking a macaroni dinner one night when Dan made a lighthearted joke about wanting to get laid and that maybe they should just do it for old times sake. Maybe it was the mood Phil was in or perhaps the glass of wine that Dan had chugged about thirty minutes before, but suddenly Phil’s softer-than-life lips were on Dan’s and they were kissing against their kitchen door as Phil’s hand threaded through Dan’s hair. As if it were 2009, Dan woke up the next morning wrapped around the other boy in a naked mess, Phil’s eyes itching and Dan’s teeth showing in a chuckle.

It was a total accident. But that didn’t mean it was a regret.

The next night it happened again. And again. And again. Soon, Phil’s room was abandoned at night and Dan expected Phil’s presence when heading off to his room. Neither of them brought it up, talked about it or so much as made a joke on the subject. They just let it happen and Dan wasn’t complaining. They were both finally getting laid and it seemed that nothing had to be talked about. Tensions died down and Dan wasn't going to lose his best friend to an awkward conversation about platonic sex.

It seemed very primal for a while. The sex was good, the connection was good and it was just biology. Totally normal for two people to fuck and not create any problems. That is until it wasn’t just fucking.

The problem started when Phil reached over while they watched The Matrix and grabbed Dan’s hand. He was watching the movie and suddenly, his hand was being held and sure, friends can hold hands, but hand holding turned into snuggling and snuggling turned into making out and making out…well. It didn’t turn into anything. Just more snuggling. And that wasn’t sex. So that was a problem.

But as usual, they said nothing and let it continue.

If Dan was being honest. It felt normal with Phil. It felt like he belonged. And so maybe he used to be in love with his best friend. But they weren’t together anymore, so it didn’t matter. They hadn’t “gone on a date” or said “I love you” in half a decade, so they were just friends. Friends that slept together and held hands. Friends that were connected in every way that a couple would be. Friends that didn't need to talk about things at the risk of ruining it all. Friends that didn’t want to leave bed after sex because of two plastic eye lenses.

Which was fine. Dan liked being “friends”.

Except that he felt guilty because technically this was all his fault. He made the joke. Phil reacted. His leg bounced up and down faster as he reopened his phone and tried to ignore the fluttering of his heart in his chest as he thought about the boy he came here with.

 

-

 

Phil looked into the red light as the doctor instructed him to as he clenched his fists by his side. He was scared. They were messing with his eyes. The eyes that he thought were his absolute best feature. The man said the procedure would be over in under five minutes but time seemed to be moving much slower. The doctor was mumbling to his co-workers and there were various materials crossing over his eyeball. The worst thing about this type of surgery was that he couldn’t be knocked out. He had to be awake and staring directly at the blade that was about to slice up his most prized possession. He gulped as the doctor lowered the utensil to his eye and tried to refocus his mind on something else.

Dan was in the waiting room. Dan, with his comfortable arms and his warm chest. Dan, who would hug him the moment he was done with these strangers.

Phil thought about the past two months and how crazy they had been. How strangely not awkward they were around the flat, sleeping with his best friend and somehow never talking about it. It truly fit the Dan and Phil aesthetic, no labels or love. But he wasn’t entirely sure that that was what this was. He loved Dan. Had since they met. But they had clearly drawn a line in 2012, breaking it off and deciding they were better off as friends. Phil liked it that way. Or, he had to pretend to anyway. Their career made things difficult and up until this point, Phil didn’t want to ruin what they had because what they had was spontaneous. Now, however, Phil was thinking it might not be _just_ sex. Not for him anyway.

He thought back to the day he decided to get this surgery. He woke up rubbing his eyes and cursing himself for falling asleep after sex again without taking his contacts out. He remembered fishing the small lenses out right then and there, throwing them to the ground and sitting up. Canons couldn’t wake up Dan Howell, but Phil’s little grunt did. Dan turned over and looked up at Phil who was sitting with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.

“Go back to bed, Phil,” Dan grumbled after giving Phil a sleepy look-over. With his perfect vision.

“I left my contact lenses in again.”

“Mhmm.”

Phil was silent for a moment and then he huffed.

“I’m getting LASIK,” he announced, lying back down and grimacing.

“What?” Dan seemed more alert now. He was turning around under the covers to blink rapidly at Phil.

“I’m getting the surgery. I’ll call today.”

“Seriously?”

“I’m sick of this! It’s not fair! You can fall asleep after sex, but I can’t. Unless I want to do it with my glasses on and we both know how well that’ll turn out,” Phil argued, his lip jutted and his eyes blinking away the irritation.

Dan was silent.

“So I’ll call them today. Get the surgery. And I won’t have to worry about it anymore,” Phil declared. He closed his eyes and pulled a very shocked Dan back into his arms, cuddling him until they both fell back asleep.

Phil thought about what he had said. The line he had just crossed. Now as Phil was looking into the red light and the doctor was putting the finishing touches on his eye, he thought about what he had done. Phil was getting a permanent procedure done, all because he didn’t want to leave Dan after they had sex.

Just friends his ass.

And that’s when everything went black.

 

-

 

“Phil!” Dan ran over to his best friend who had been gone for thirty whole minutes, a rather long time for this type of procedure. “How did it go?”

He glanced down at his best friend who was sitting in a wheelchair. That’s weird. There was no reason for Phil to be in a wheelchair. The doctors said that he was going to be able to see right after the procedure was done. He was also wearing an eye mask, one that covered his eyes entirely. Not just the semi-stylish glasses that he was preparing to mock.

Dan knew something was wrong immediately.

He knew Phil far too well not to know what his nervous frown looked like and he was wearing it.

“What’s wrong Phil?” he asked, realizing that this was not a question he wanted to be asking his best friend, it was a question for the man standing behind the chair. His eyes flicked back up to the doctor, whose face remained still. “What happened to him?”

“I can’t see,” Phil said quietly, his voice slightly trembling and Dan didn’t like the sound of that at all.

“What does he mean, _he can’t see_?” Dan’s voice was getting higher and his tone was changing. Much like an angry mother’s would when their child gets hurt. He knew people in the waiting room could hear him. He might have been causing a scene. But he didn’t care. He wanted answers and he was prepared to get them, diplomatically or not.

“Mr. Lester’s procedure had a minor complication but there is nothing to worry about. This happens to some patients. During the procedure, we have to pump pressure into the eye in order to cut the cornea. Because the pressure is six times higher than normal blood pressure, sometimes it takes a few days for the eye to regain its normal pressure. Mr. Lester is only temporarily blind and his sight will return as soon as tomorrow. As a precaution, we have patients wear a blindfold for three days, just in case the eye needs a few extra days to heal. He assured me that he had someone at home that could take care of him. I presume that is you, Mr…?”

“Howell.” Dan let his surname name fall from his lips, almost insulted that this man didn’t know who he was. Logically, he knew most people didn’t watch Youtube, especially doctors like this one, but for some reason, this situation made him feel like the man should know who he was specifically because he was Phil’s best friend. Maybe it was because he wasn’t allowed back in the room with Phil or maybe it was because he could feel how upset his best friend was right now. But Dan was angry. This was what Phil was afraid of. Dan’s guilt was not letting up in the slightest.

“Well, Mr. Howell. Here is Mr. Lester’s paperwork. Just make sure he doesn’t take off that mask until the follow-up appointment in three days. We’ve already spoken to him about timing. Just make sure he doesn’t bump into anything along the way.” The doctor chuckled and Dan wanted to hit him. This was not a joke. This was serious. His best friend couldn’t see and now he was standing, Dan already guiding him out of the door. Phil’s arm was looped into his right elbow and the paperwork flapped in his left hand. He tried to think of something he could say to Phil to ease his nerves, settling on a statement he would make any day if he was asked.

“Don’t worry, Phil. I’ll take care of you.”

He felt the older boy relax as he guided him into the taxi, hoping that Phil wasn’t too shaken about this whole thing.

 

-

 

The worst part about not being able to see was the memory of sight. Phil heard Dan enter their new place, which he had been living in for only about a month, and he desperately wished he had paid more attention. Dan guided him through their flat with caution, his hip attached to Phil’s in an effort to guide him more accurately. But Phil was a clutz and it only caused for more traffic with their legs, ankles colliding in a disruptive manner.

It took Phil longer than he wanted to realize that Dan was leading him up to his own colorful bedroom that he’d kill to see right now and directing his body onto the bed that he hadn’t used in months. They hadn’t said a word since the taxi and Phil couldn’t even see Dan’s face to determine what he was thinking. Dan’s grip on his arm, however, told him that Dan was not a happy camper. He seemed to be seething and he guessed that if he could see Dan Howell, his eyebrows would be furrowed and his lips in a tight purse that could only be undone with a sweet kiss. One that Phil was in no position to give right now.

“Do you need anything?” Dan asked, presumably after he took a few steps back from the bed. His voice sounded distant in both distance and thought.

Phil wasn’t even sure how to answer that question. _Did_ he need anything? Apart from his eyes, there was nothing he could ask for that really made sense. Entertainment? What the hell was he supposed to do while lying in bed all day without sight? His go-to answer when he’s sick was Buffy marathons but without his most useful sense, he was lost. He couldn’t even use his phone or distract himself with gifs of cats stuck in shoes.

He gulped and shook his head, not really seeing how to vocalize his predicament.

But he should have given Dan Howell more credit. He couldn’t see the younger boy’s face but he knew the look he was giving him. It was full of worry and there was no way he believed Phil when he responded with nothing. So Phil tried again. This time, blurting the first thing that came to mind.

“Tell me a story.”

He heard Dan shift.

“A story?”

“Yeah. Tell me a story.” He repeated himself, not thinking he needed to add anything to the request. Dan should understand.

The silence was worrying until he felt the end of the bed dip with his best friend’s weight. Phil scooted over, leaving a little bit of bed beside him in case Dan wanted it. He wasn’t sure how much room he had left but when Dan slid himself up to the headboard with his hip against Phil’s, he knew that there must have been at least a little wiggle room.

“I don’t really know any stories,” Dan said, his voice dripping with uneasiness. Phil never realized how much he didn’t really observe when he had the benefit of sight. Without it, he could hear every nervous crack in his closest friend’s throat. He was clearly upset about something and Phil wanted to know what it was. “Not any that you haven’t heard.”

Phil hummed to confirm that Dan was right. He knew all the stories. It wasn’t really a fair request.

“Well,” Phil said slowly, taking a stab in the dark, “then tell me what you’re thinking.”

“What I’m thinking?” Dan gulped, his face probably blushing and his leg beginning to shake like it did when he was nervous. He let out a laugh that sounded more like a sigh, to which Phil turned his head in an effort to give Dan a look. “What do you mean?”

“You’re worried about something,” Phil declared this and he wished he could look at Dan if only to see how freaked out he was by this conversation that actually seemed to be working on Phil’s nerves. Funny how not being able to see makes one more confident.

Dan said nothing and Phil contemplated what that could mean. Either, he didn’t want to tell Phil or he didn’t actually know what was wrong. Was this because he was worried about Phil’s eyes? The doctor said he’d be fine and Dan wasn’t this much of a worry wart. Phil usually took the cake for that.

“Come on. Spill.” Phil demanded this time, feeling Dan jump a little beside him.

Another moment of silence went by and Phil was starting to get frustrated. Fine. Dan didn’t want to talk. But Phil couldn’t see and he was going to get bored. And fast. He needed something to entertain him and Dan wasn’t giving him any good suggestions.

His mind went back to a week ago when he walked in on Dan sitting at his computer, editing one of their gaming videos and shoveling a box of blueberries into his mouth. Phil thought about what he usually did when he noticed his friend getting stressed, which is walking over and giving him a massage. They were in no position for that right now, however, the massages nowadays led to sex which led to the often calming of his flatmate and maybe a good nap. He hated his brain for going there but if Dan wasn’t going to open his mouth, Phil was going to do it for him.

His no sight confidence kicked into gear and without giving Dan a second to worm away, Phil leaned over and attempted a kiss on the mouth. To give him credit, he almost made it. The kiss landed on Dan’s cheek but with a couple months of practice in kissing Dan’s face, he realigned and made it the second time with zero resistance.

Dan was caught clearly off guard, another moment Phil wished he could see, his hands reaching up and grabbing onto Dan’s jaw line and the back of his head instead. Dan didn’t try to get away and his face didn’t feel scrunched in disgust, so Phil carried on like normal, satisfied with at least some form of entertainment. Dan wasn’t kissing as hungrily this time though and Phil wasn’t going to have that. Not when he could feel everything tenfold. Without his sight, he could feel every lap of Dan’s talented tongue and this mopey kiss wouldn’t do. There was no time to think about things. Not now. Sorry, Dan. This was happening.

Dan wasn’t displeased though. Phil knew because as he made it clear that he wanted this, Dan’s body began to shift closer. Something that Dan usually denied. It was as if Dan’s body was a magnet and it couldn’t be close to Phil unless he was right up against him. Phil found it endearing and even more so when he couldn’t watch his best friend’s flustered face.

Dan shifted even more, sitting on top of Phil as they kissed, probably assuming that Phil couldn’t take on that role today. He began to grind his hips a little and Phil smiled with triumph. Maybe it wasn’t hard to seduce Dan Howell, but it was a victory for Phil nonetheless.

He said nothing as he guided his own lips to Dan’s neck, kissing down the smooth skin as he loved to do. He was careful about marks because God forbid a subscriber saw one. They knew better than that. Neither of them were _that_ stupid.

A few moments of fervently making out and Dan seemed like he was beginning to understand what Phil was doing. They were each a half of the same whole. Phil was surprised that it even took as long as it did for Dan to figure out that Phil just wanted a distraction. Something to take his mind off of the lack of sight. It also seemed that whatever Dan had been thinking about before, was long gone. He was kissing with abandon, lapping at Phil’s tongue and tasting the inside of his flatmate's cheek.

Ah the wonders of casual sex.

Soon enough, his tongue traveled down further, going for Phil’s neck. It was warm and slippery, something Phil had never really thought about before. Sure, Dan was good in bed. Most people assumed that about him. He was thick and he had a lot of muscle even though he didn’t really know it. He had a good bum for squeezing and a fine ass for slapping. But their shippers were only half right and Dan was only a bottom half the time. It depended on the day and what mood they found themselves in. However, without talking about it, there were no definitions for anything. It was free for all. If they wanted to fuck, they fucked. Simple as that.

But now, Phil could feel every touch. Dan’s hands slid down his chest and toyed at his nipples through his shirt, which Phil arched into, his body responding rather quickly downstairs. Dan was still grinding down with his own tight jeans, Phil beginning to feel the resistance. He would kill to see Dan’s face right now, pink with arousal, his lip between his teeth and his fists clenching in Phil’s shirt while he ground himself down a little harder. These were a few of Phil’s favorite sights, ones that he would have to just imagine for now.

But he didn’t have to do it for long because Dan was suddenly leaning down and breathing into Phil’s ear, claiming softly that he was going to take off Phil’s shirt. Phil nodded as he felt the bottom of his tummy grow cold with the air of his bedroom, the shirt slipping off and snagging only a little on his chin as he found it difficult to focus on anything but the draft.

Soon enough, Dan’s shirt followed his own, Phil hearing the piece of fabric fall to the floor merely seconds after his own had. Dan collapsed onto Phil, their chests falling together and creating a friction that was oh so familiar to Phil. Every little chest hair that he had forgotten to shave was prickling, dancing along Dan’s smooth chest that never quite made it past puberty. Phil chuckled a little without warning and Dan slowed, probably looking down and making sure Phil was alright. Dan knew that Phil was an oddball, even during sex, and he didn’t slow for long, his lips connecting once more with the older boy’s, their tongues dancing faster than before.

Every time they had sex, this specific time included, Phil didn’t know what to expect. How far they would go. They never talked about it before or after, which made it suspenseful yet frustrating. Now that Phil couldn’t see, he couldn’t even read Dan’s facial expression or observe the physical symbols that Dan might be omitting. Instead, he laid still while Dan began to kiss down his chest. He supposed he would just have to wait and find out what Dan had in store in the means of a distraction.

Because that’s all that Dan was doing right now.

Distracting him.

Phil felt each kiss and nibble as Dan worked his way down his chest, spending more time than usual around his belly button because Phil wasn’t going to stop him. Dan loved Phil’s belly button. Loved Phil’s belly in general. On days where Phil wasn’t feeling terribly body positive, Dan would fix that right up by kissing at his stomach and telling him that he was perfect.

There were no words today, however. Dan seemed far too nervous. Not too nervous to have sex, obviously, but nervous enough that words seemed to escape him. And Phil was feeling rather compromised so he hoped Dan didn’t mind the sounds of his own wet mouth against his tummy and nothing more.

The feeling of Dan’s fingers fumbling with Phil’s belt made his heart rate spike, if his eyes were open, this would have forced them to shut. Dan was breathing gently against his happy trail and he could feel each exhale. Dan stopped breathing for a moment while he pulled the zip down slowly, yanking Phil’s pants off with a hunger that Phil certainly didn’t expect at this moment. He immediately began mouthing at Phil’s erection through his boxers, the one that was beginning to twitch with anticipation. Dan was teasing, probably looking up at Phil’s open mouth and quivering jaw for a sign of approval, as he usually did when he teased. Phil wanted terribly to be able to see Dan’s brown eyes under those thick lashes, looking up as he worked on Phil’s lower half. He didn’t realize how much that mattered.

Dan’s warm fingertips found their way to Phil’s thighs, sliding in and out of the bottom of Phil’s boxers, just barely nudging at his balls. Each time one finger touched the sensitive skin, Phil let out a little gasp and he felt Dan’s smile against his shaft. Eventually, his fingers slipped into the waistline of the shorts, pulling down and letting the cool air meet the engorged organ. Phil moaned at this alone, the temperature change enough to help him realize how aroused he really was.

Phil’s cock was no stranger to Dan’s mouth and it almost felt natural for the warm heat to surround his leaking member nearly seconds after it was set free. Phil let out another moan, Dan smiling only slightly around his cock when he heard the reaction. Dan was quick to swallow and send Phil’s nerve endings to bliss, his heart racing as he thought about how Dan looked with Phil’s cock down his throat. His nose diving onto the base and hiding in the little tuft of hair that Phil didn’t mess with. Dan seemed to like it and he didn’t feel like shaving anyway.

Dan licked a stripe up the shaft as he pulled off and blew hot air from his nose onto the tip. His hand made its way to the bobbing cock, starting at the base and jacking softly as the younger boy caught his breath. Phil took this moment to feel how soft Dan’s hand was as he drifted his thumb over Phil’s slit. His head arched back and his chest puffed out, the arousal almost too much, only to feel Dan’s mouth connecting once more and his throat taking him in all the way.

Phil imagined that this would be what it was like to do some light bondage. Something he had always wanted to try with a future partner. A blindfold and maybe a few restraints? At least he trusted Dan completely, which was key to that whole roleplay experience. Dan had seen him naked in every state. There was nothing to worry about and he felt completely comfortable. But there was something about this that just felt _too_ intimate. Too intimate for two friends to be doing. Bondage was one of those things that had to be talked about. Which is something they didn’t do. It then occurred to him that perhaps they should have talked about this. Maybe Phil was wrong to have just pulled Dan in, asking silently for a sexual distraction and then doing who knows what for who knows how long. Surely Dan didn’t mind. He was just as much into the sex as Phil was. Right? He wondered if Dan thought about these things as well. He figured not, since Dan wasn't blindfolded or impaired.

The whole train of thought left Phil’s head as Dan swallowed him again, making the most beautiful choking noise he had ever heard. Dan’s throat was magic, Phil’s cock throbbing in appreciation as it tried to warn Phil that it was ready to throw its load.

“D-Dan-” Phil croaked out, his voice hoarse, trying to at least warn Dan that it was happening. “I’m go-gonna-”

Dan nodded while Phil’s cock was deep down his throat, another choking noise following the movement, which Phil’s cock gladly took as an invitation. Phil felt Dan’s hand move to rub his stomach as it dropped, his load releasing into Dan’s wet heat and Phil’s cock pulsing with his heartbeat. Phil’s moan was loud and shaky, his hands that were gripping the bedsheets before, finding their way into Dan’s hair, pulling slightly and threading the strands through his trembling digits.

Dan released Phil’s cock slowly until it popped off and fell to the elder’s stomach, dripping with Dan’s own lubricant and beginning to shrink gradually. He could hear Dan smacking his lips and then he felt his boxers slowly sliding up his legs, only to snap onto his waist and over his moist cock. Phil was confused for a moment, totally ready to return the favor, but Dan just yanked the covers from their nice and neat position, overtop of Phil so that he was covered completely.

There was something wrong though.

Dan was not under there with him.

 

-

 

Phil was lying alone and Dan was sitting at the foot of the bed, playing with his fingernails. Phil was so attractive. He was the most beautiful sight that Dan had ever laid eyes on and thank God he couldn’t see because Dan was giving him the heartiest of eyes. He couldn’t believe he had just given a blowjob to the most attractive man on Earth as if it were no big deal.

And now he felt even more guilty.

He told himself he wasn't going to think too hard about this. It was just sex. Phil wasn't growing attached, Dan wasn't in love and their sex was just casual. Certainly not any reason to bring it up.

Phil cleared his throat, ripping Dan from his thoughts. “Do you want me to…”

“No, no. It’s okay. You should get some rest. You had surgery today.” Dan’s response came out a lot more spacey than he intended. He was hard, this was true, but he didn’t want Phil to do anything today. Not when Dan’s stomach was flipping. Now that Phil literally changed his eyesight for this, did that mean they had defined it? Did they have to talk about it? Dan didn’t want to. He didn’t want to talk about how he felt. That’s what ended what they had last time.

“It was just my eyes. I’m plenty capable of-”

“No, Phil. Don’t worry about it. I’m okay.”

There was a silence for a moment as he watched Phil pant out the aftershocks of his high. Dan didn’t like to toot his own horn or anything but he knew what he did to Phil. He could wreck the boy, just like he had moments ago, and he had been holding back. He could do better. _Has_ done better. But tonight, he didn’t want to complicate anything more than he already had. More than Phil already had by getting the stupid surgery. The one that caused him to lose his fucking sight in the first place.

Was Dan kind of mad? Yeah. He wasn’t fuming, but he was irritated. How irresponsible! What if this was worse? What if Phil had lost his sight for good? All because they wanted to cuddle after sex? What did this mean about the two of them? Didn't Phil know how big of a deal this was? He was acting like he had no idea!

“Dan?” Phil started, Dan snapping out of his thoughts again, his heart racing and the anger fizzling.

“Hm?”

“You know, maybe we should talk about this.”

Dan froze. Those were the words. The ones that Dan was afraid of. He didn’t want to talk. He was afraid of what all this meant. He didn’t want to ruin the best friendship he ever had, all because he fell back in love with his fuck buddy. He couldn’t let that happen. And as long as they didn’t talk about it, they could continue on as if nothing mattered and their friendship wouldn’t change. Their relationship wouldn’t end like it had all those years ago. They could keep fucking and stare deeply into each other's eyes for all the internet to see. They just didn’t need to say anything.

“Dan?”

Dan said nothing and he felt bad. Phil couldn’t see him. He might have assumed that he left. But he didn’t want to respond. He didn’t have a response.

Phil seemed like he was going to give up, but instead, he sighed and his ballsy attitude spit out a question that Dan didn’t want anything to do with.

“What _are_ we?”

He said it with a disappointed sigh, his words coming out defeated and broken.

How did Phil read his mind like this? And blind too!

And because Dan is an asshole with nothing to contribute to anything involving labels, he stood abruptly and shook his head. Phil couldn’t see him, so he jumped at the change in weight distribution on the bed. Phil looked confused and almost hopeful like Dan was going to get closer or answer him eagerly. But Dan was going to do none of those things. He was a coward and he didn’t want to ruin something he held so dear, so without even a mumble of a goodnight, he turned and walked from the room, closing the door behind him softly and running off to his own bedroom where he’d lock the door and fall asleep, the other boy calling down the hall for Dan to come back.

Did he feel bad?

Sure.

But not as bad as he did the next morning when he woke to the light streaming into his bedroom.

When they chose their bedrooms in this duplex, they decided that Phil should get the bedroom with the most light. Dan, in turn, would get the bedroom with the least amount of light, the only time the light would actually shine into his room was after noon. So as the light broke open his crusty eyes, he knew immediately that he had slept until at least 1:00pm.

Memories of the night before flooded his head as he shoved his face into his pillow, a pathetic effort to stop them from invading his mind. He could still taste the other boy on his lips and just being able to see made him feel guilty about the way they ended their night.

But then something scarier than that conversation occurred to Dan.

He had slept in, leaving a temporarily _blind_ human being to fend for himself all morning.

What the actual fuck was his problem?

He jumped out of bed and threw on something of least importance, throwing open his door and heading immediately to Phil’s room. Maybe Phil would still be sleeping. Rare, but possible. His eyes wouldn’t open. He wouldn’t know what time it was. Maybe he knew to wait for someone.

He reached Phil’s open door and cursed himself for assuming his friend wouldn’t rise at 10:00 like usual. He threw his fingers through his already wrecked hair and clenched a fist at his side.

Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.

He ran down the hall, checking the upstairs living room only to find nothing. Stairs? Really Phil? He barreled himself down the stairs, as fast as one could without destroying his ankles as he called himself stupid for every step he managed.

“Phil?” He decided to call, trying a little harder to find his friend because suddenly he wasn’t feeling so good. What if Phil had gotten hurt? What if he had fallen? What if he had-

He stopped.

Standing in the doorway of the kitchen, he spotted his friend who was not only injured but trying to clean up something sharp that had fallen from one of the cabinets.

“Fuck!” Dan cursed, mostly to himself, causing the older boy to yelp and thrust his hand behind his back. He wasn’t really hiding anything, especially because he couldn’t see how obvious this mess was, his blood dripping gently against the tile. “Phil! What did you do?”

His words were dripping with fondness, his tone non-threatening as he went towards Phil slowly, as if Phil would know how gentle he was trying to be, his hand landing on the older boy’s shoulder. But Dan was surprised when Phil backed away from the touch, seeming startled and a little upset about his presence. Yeah, there was fabric covering his eyes but Dan still had never seen Phil so upset.

“Phil…” Dan knelt down and took in the raven haired boy’s appearance, trying to inspect the cut from where he was sitting. It didn’t look bad. Just the result of Phil trying to pick up a shattered mug. “Let me clean this up for you…”

“No, I’m fine. I’ll do it,” Phil bit back, his tone flat and his head staying towards the ground. His hand was now resting on his emoji pajama pants, the ones that he clearly put on himself - considering they were on backward. The blood was seeping onto one of the faces and Dan frowned.

“What were you trying to-”

“Coffee. I was making coffee.” Phil’s anger was present and Dan stared for a moment, feeling a little guilty for doing so because the other boy had no idea. “I don’t know which mug I broke but if it was one of yours, I’m sorry.”

Dan blinked at the ground. It looked like it was one of Phil’s. He _would_ be relieved if he didn’t feel so guilty about it. He kind of wished it was his mug. Phil didn’t need another thing to add to his list of problems. His eyes returned to the bleeding boy.

“Stop looking at me like that. I don’t have to see you to know you’re looking at me like I’m handicapped.”

There was a moment of silence where Dan could feel his heart rate pick up.

“But Phil...you _are_ handicapped,” Dan said hesitantly, not trying to piss off his friend. He felt guilty enough as it is.

“Clearly not.” Phil stood, his knee cracking as he did, waddling over to the sink and running his hand under some cold water.

“What are you on about?” Dan mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck and fighting the instinct to go up and help the other boy.

“What am I _on about_ ?” Phil huffed, turning towards Dan and glaring, a little to the left, but glaring the best he could. “I’m on about _you_ ! What’s your problem, Dan? You left me last night without any means of getting dinner or getting changed. I mean, if I _were_ handicapped, maybe you would take the time to help me navigate down the flipping stairs!”

Phil reached down to grab his pant leg and lift it, showing off a nasty bruise that Dan knew couldn’t have been there before this morning. Dan stared at it, his mouth dropping and his head shaking slowly as he imagined his friend slipping and falling down their upper level access way.

“That was you who said _I’ll take care of you_ , was it not?” Phil quoted his words from the day before and it only made Dan shrink where he stood.

“I’m sorry…” Dan let the words leave without even thinking. His tone flat, shocked. He was sorry though. Phil was right. He really fucked up.

“I bet you are,” Phil’s voice sounded kind of broken. They both hated fighting and they rarely did it. It was also pretty rare that Phil spoke up in the first place. Dan was in shock and in this moment, he would do anything to make things right again. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. They were supposed to be okay. They didn't talk about it!

“Why didn’t you come get me?” Dan asked softly, wishing his friend had woken him instead of trying to move all by himself.

Phil laughed coldly, turning and feeling his way to another mug so he could pour his hot coffee.

“Why? So you could just avoid another conversation and leave me again? No thanks,” Phil’s sass was real, his voice dripping with salt. “I got it, loud and clear, you don’t want to talk. You could have at least said so before storming off. Maybe cooked me dinner or got me a snack.”

Dan stood silently, his whole self slumped over. Phil was right. He was a coward. He ran away and was stupid, falling asleep and totally forgetting about his friend who he literally promised he would look after. Now he had a bruised ankle and a bleeding finger and it was all Dan’s fault. Who knew avoiding the subject would only make it worse? And it had been going so well..

 

-

 

Phil was seething. His ankle was still hurting and he had fallen nearly two hours ago. He had never felt so upset at Dan before and he knew he was being a little irrational. But he had every right. His eyes were sore and his finger throbbed, his ankle barely holding his weight beneath him.

He was glad he couldn’t see because seeing Dan might have made him angrier. He could imagine Dan standing before him, high and mighty, defending himself. Standing tall and loud as he usually could, taking a stance and stubbornly defending it. This was a trait he usually admired about his friend as it got them out of many terrible situations. All except the part where he sometimes ran from his problems and blamed others for them. Phil was rarely on the receiving end of this, but right now it stung because he knew how Dan was.

Or so he thought.

There was a sound that shattered his image of Dan in his head immediately. A sniffle.

Dan was crying.

Suddenly the image in his head turned into the opposite. Dan, shrinking and slumping, becoming smaller and curling in on himself. Suddenly, the Dan in front of him was the same Dan that curled up on the sofa when he was sad, sitting quietly and comforting himself with a docile playlist as he sulked alone.

This was certainly not part of the plan. He was only trying to get Dan to understand. He hadn’t meant to break him.

“I’m sorry, Phil. You’re right,” Dan’s voice was quivering now, taking Phil back to 2009 when the boy was only 18 and he was crying to Phil about family drama. The kind that he was afraid to tell anyone else about. “I’m so stupid.”

Phil stood, wishing he could see so that he could comfort the other boy with his blue eyes that worked so well all those years ago.

Now _Phil_ felt like crying. He turned so that his rear was against the counter and slid down, landing himself on the floor as he hung his head. There was a long moment of silence until Phil spoke up, loud enough to cover Dan’s sniffles.

“We’re both pretty stupid, huh?”

“Yeah.” Dan agreed softly, Phil hearing his sleeve wipe at his dripping eyes. “And now you’re bleeding.”

Phil laughing a little, for the first time since surgery.

“Yeah. How bad is it?”

“Not deadly,” Dan joked, his voice lifting a little. “But will you let me wrap it? So you stop bleeding on those hideous pants. I know you like them.”

Phil laughed and nodded, waiting patiently for Dan’s hands that eventually found him, grabbing Phil’s appendage and pulling him up off of the floor. He guided Phil over to the sink and washed out the wound properly, snagging a few paper towels and pressing them on the cut.

“Hang on. I’ll be right back.” He ran off to the bathroom where the medical tape was and brought some back in a minutes time. Dan stood close as he wrapped the medical tape over a bandage, finishing by ripping the white tape with his mouth. Phil could feel the other boy’s heat. He lingered for a moment before landing a small kiss over the now bandaged cut. When he brought his head up, Phil realized how close Dan was to him. “Do I need to look at that ankle of yours?”

Phil shook his head. “I iced it earlier.”

He was sure that Dan would find the soggy ice bag somewhere in the house later on, choosing not to mention it for now.

Now Dan was just holding his hand gently in his and Phil sighed at the silence that surrounded them.

“You know, we really need to talk about this,” Phil tried again, this time with Dan in his grasp. Dan didn’t go rigid and he didn’t run away like Phil half expected him to.

“I know.” Dan’s voice sounded defeated but not upset.

“Want to go sit down?” Phil suggested, placing his other hand gently on Dan’s lower back, partially to help guide his blind eyes from the kitchen and partially to comfort him. He felt Dan nod and start for the door. “Oh. But Dan?”

“Hm?” The boy stopped, his body turning so he could face Phil.

“Will you pour me some coffee first? Please?”

Phil heard Dan chuckle as he turned slowly towards the machine and the mug that Phil had set on the counter. The sound of coffee pouring and the smell flooding Phil’s senses made him smile.

 

-

 

It was only fair that Dan starts this conversation. They were both sitting quietly in the lounge, Phil clutching his hand and tapping his foot. They were sitting very close, as they were used to. Dan’s hip could feel every movement Phil made and Phil seemed to be leaning gently against Dan. Dan assumed it was for support and comfort but he didn’t mind the contact regardless. It made the silence of the room easier to cope with. However, Phil seemed comfortable in the silence, probably because he couldn’t see how awkward they looked, but Dan was nervously picking at his fingernails as he fished for something to say. He knew that Phil could hear it but he was only concerned with what he was going to say next. He didn’t want to fuck this up. Not this time.

“So.” Dan broke the ice. Phil’s head perked up at the words but when Dan didn’t follow with anything after, his head fell again.

“So…” he repeated back, his voice quiet.

“We have sex,” Dan blurted, hoping that if he got out the worst of it first, the rest of the conversation would become easier.

“Yeah. We have sex,” Phil repeated back again, letting Dan take the lead. “Good sex.” Phil apparently felt it was a good idea to add. “A lot of good sex.”

“And we’re... _friends_?” Dan asked, his tone rising at the end of the question, his heart stopping as he waited for a response.

“I suppose, technically, yes, we are friends,” Phil responded slowly, Dan’s heart started beating again. Phil was still looking down and Dan wished he would look up and meet Dan’s eyes, but then he would remember that Phil’s eyes were closed and blocked by pieces of fabric he probably desperately wanted to claw off. So Dan reached out and grabbed his hand, in a way to make contact that wasn’t through their eyes or their touching thighs.

There was a silence that washed over the room, the two boys finally talking about this for the first time made it easier in a way, but it opened up the floor for a million questions that Dan was now staring right in the face.

Luckily, he didn’t have to open up first because Phil took the initiative. That blind confidence, at it again.

“You know, Dan...we broke up nearly _5_ years ago. The night we started...you know...doing _this_ again, I thought that maybe I could do it...” Phil started, slowly, playing with Dan’s hand gently. “I mean, you know I love you right? We both needed the stress release and it felt good because it was comfortable. And I think for a while I was okay with not talking about it…”

Dan watched the pink lips that were spilling such rich language, his heart swelling as he remembered how happy they were when they were dating. Not any happier than they were now though, right? Their relationship didn’t work. _Right_? Didn’t Phil remember? It was hard to balance their career and their romance. Love was never the problem. They didn’t break up because they didn’t love each other. Of course they loved each other! They were attached at the hip. They did everything together. There is no conceivable universe where Dan and Phil didn’t love each other. When the two broke up it was because they couldn’t handle the pressure. They were growing and changing, learning that Youtube was not the most forgiving career. They couldn’t make mistakes and Dan didn’t know who he was to begin with. They eventually just decided that they couldn’t do it anymore. No hard feelings, blah blah blah.

But now that Phil was sitting across from him, blind as a bat, the day after his cock had been in his mouth for the thirtieth time that month, he was beginning to see things a little differently. For starters, he knew he was in love with Phil. And he knew that Phil loved him back. And things were going fine before they mentioned anything, so why couldn’t they work it out this time around? Maybe if they tried their relationship again, things would work. They were older now, more mature, plus, they had gotten better at hiding things. Keeping things from their viewers was easier now that they knew what the shippers looked for. They didn’t shut out the crazy fans, they embraced them, making everything a joke and nothing possible to prove.

Dan stopped picking at his fingers and he gulped, waiting patiently for Phil to continue on. He had a feeling about where this conversation was going and he cursed himself for not figuring this out sooner. The older boy seemed like he was building up the courage to say something big. Perhaps he would ask a question. One that might change both of their lives as they knew it. And Dan was planning to seal the deal with a kiss-

“But now, I don’t think I can keep doing this with you, Dan.” Phil finished. Dan stilled.

 _What_?

Here Dan thought they were on the same page.

“I just can’t do it anymore. Getting my eyes fixed was a drastic measure and I’m sure I won’t regret it, for other reasons, but I was out of line. I made a decision to get _eye surgery_ , just because I wanted to sleep with you and I realize now that we hadn’t even talked about things yet…”

“Wait, Phil-”

“And now I’m practically blind and it’s clear you don’t want to talk about labels. I get that.” Phil sighed but continued talking, shutting Dan up completely. “But you know I want more than this someday. I always have. Marriage, a house, some kids. I want to be out to the internet. Relationships are important to me and if I get too attached, I can’t see either of us moving forward. This friends-with-benefits thing isn’t really my style.”

Now Dan was speechless.

“So I’m sorry I grabbed your hand the other night and I’m sorry I won’t be able to help you destress anymore, at least not in _that_ way, but I’ve been thinking about it all night and I think this is the right thing to do.” Phil exhaled, sitting up a little taller and removing his hand from Dan’s as if to mark the end of his sentence triumphantly. Which was a shame because Dan needed it right about now.

“But…” Dan squeaked, his lip quivering. Phil certainly couldn’t see it, but for once in these short 24 hours, he wished that he could. “M-marriage? ...Internet?”

“Yes, Dan. We’ve talked about this. I’m thirty years old. I can’t be sleeping with my flatmate anymore,” Phil said the words gently, in no way trying to insult Dan. Dan appreciated this but that didn’t mean it felt any less shitty. Dan couldn’t tell if Phil was saying that he wasn’t marriage material or if he was assuming that Dan didn’t want those things as well. He tried to remember the last time they _did_ talk about this. It had been years ago. Dan supposed that his answer might have been different then.

But of course, Dan is awkward and Phil had clearly made up his mind. He had plenty of time to rehearse this and the future seemed decided. Dan was too shocked to do anything else so he nodded and swallowed loud enough for Phil to hear before clearing his throat and changing the subject.

“What are your plans this afternoon?” Dan asked Phil, the older boy barely flinching when the other subject was chucked. This wouldn’t be the first time Dan did something like this. He was a professional at changing subjects and ignoring his own feelings of disappointment.

“Well, PJ called this morning. I told him about the surgery and he had the idea to do a blindfolded collab. He won’t tell me what it is, but he’ll be over pretty soon actually. I don’t really know what time it is…” Phil trailed. “But I told him he could stay for dinner. Is that alright?” Phil asked as if he would go pick up the phone right now and dial PJ’s number, blind, to cancel.

“Of course,” Dan answered, his heart starting to beat at a normal pace. His brain actively trying to shove his feelings into the garbage.

“Great! Well you better get cooking! Unless you want smashed mug in your half-baked macaroni,” Phil joked, his melodic laughter only making Dan feel a little bit better. How was Phil able to shake this so quickly?

“Oh shut up, I said I was sorry,” Dan teased, shoving the older boy lightly as not to startle him, getting up and walking towards the door.

“Tell that to my ankle!” Phil argued, standing on wobbly legs and heading towards Dan’s voice.

Dan just rolled his eyes and took a breath, exhaling the rest of his worry and shoving it down like every other scary thought he’s ever had.

Just in time too. Only ten minutes later, PJ arrived at their flat, his joyful voice masking any lingering awkwardness as Phil caught up with one of his best friends.

After their somewhat tasty macaroni dish was gobbled up and gone, Phil and PJ ran off to Phil’s room to film their video. Dan was still feeling kind of crappy and although he was good at masking it, he really needed a walk. Not to mention, Phil was safe and in good hands, it might be the only time he would be able to leave the flat for a couple days. He called out to the pair of giggling boys, alerting them of his departure, and left the flat with a light jacket just in case the night brought colder weather. Just in case he needed to run an extra errand by the end of his walk.

 

-

 

Phil felt wonderful. He had rehearsed everything he needed to say during their talk and he was able to tell Dan everything clearly and calmly. He was quite proud of himself. And Dan, well, he seemed to be taking it pretty well. It helped ease Phil’s nerves that Dan didn’t try to fight it, claiming that their sex was “too good to give up” as he for some reason expected. He was glad that Dan just accepted Phil’s thoughts and then moved on. That helped Phil as well, the conversation not dragging on forever.

Things were actually good. The other thing Phil worried about was how they would act once they dropped that aspect of their relationship. But Dan had been nothing but good to him since he came back from his walk that night. He made Phil breakfast, lunch, and dinner, picked out his clothes for him in the morning and the evening, he even put the toothpaste on Phil’s toothbrush for him so that Phil wouldn’t have to struggle himself. Dan was as good as a trained seeing eye dog. Better because he had thumbs and a voice. Dan kept talking to Phil about everything, not letting the flat go silent unless it was time to sleep. Dan figured out quickly that silence was like putting Phil in a blank room with nothing to do and Dan wasn’t going to have that. He even played piano for Phil a couple times. It had been so long since he had played for Phil. He usually holed up in the lounge when Phil was asleep or out while he practiced.

Even being blind, Phil could feel the lingering tension. Once or twice, Phil’s arm would brush up against Dan’s neck or his chest, the other boy going still and jumping back once he realized the spark that hit them both. Phil understood that this was likely, their chemistry really something to be proud of. Over time it would dwindle, as Phil experienced before, however this time it was a little different. In 2012 there were slammed doors and thick walls between them. Now, Dan was touching Phil constantly, if not only because of necessity, out of comfort for both. They didn’t know how to separate at this point. But Phil was happy as long as their genitals stayed far from each other and their lips didn’t cross paths.

Phil was actually surprised when Dan told him the day had come to get his eye patches removed. It had been three days already? Three days of feeling around and trying to guess where the sofa was? He was just starting to get the hang of it too.

Dan picked out his clothes for that day, handing them over to Phil as he went towards the bathroom to shower. After he stepped from the steaming water and dried himself off, he picked up the bundle he was handed. He could feel that Dan had selected his nicest pair of black slacks and one of Phil’s nice button downs, he wasn’t sure which. He shrugged and put it on, leaving the bathroom and feeling the walls as he located his friend.

“Is going to the eye doctor a special occasion?” Phil leaned against the doorframe of Dan’s bedroom - at least he thought it was the doorframe, hoping his gaze fell on his friend. Dan was silent for a moment and then he swallowed before speaking. If Phil didn’t know any better, he would have assumed Dan was taking in the sight of his best friend standing in the doorway.

“N-no, I just figured you’d want to look good when you get your first clear look at yourself without glasses,” Dan explained, his footsteps getting closer and his hand appearing on top of Phil’s head, smoothing out a flyaway.

“Alright. But if I get hit on by the scary eye doctor, then you are to blame,” Phil stuck his tongue out and turned. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Well…” Dan hesitated. “I figured since it’s rather early, we could go get that removed and then go for breakfast?”

“What, so I can _experience my first breakfast with clear vision_?” Phil mocked, but he wasn’t complaining. He would never turn down a breakfast in London.

“Sure. Or I just don’t feel like cooking for your lazy ass,” Dan called from the bathroom, most likely fixing his hair. “Come on, or we’re going to be late.

Phil felt Dan grab his left arm and lead him down the hallway. He could feel Dan’s nice attire as well, a belt resting on his hips and a long-sleeved shirt rolled up on his arm. Phil smiled, excited to see what outfit he chose for the two of them. He would kill Dan personally if he dressed them to match.

They made their way to the taxi and into town, Dan’s hip flush against Phil’s. Leave it to Phil to notice this kind of thing but Dan was flushing more to his left than his right which was kind of unusual considering Dan liked to have his dominant hand on Phil at all times. Just in case. But Phil wasn’t questioning it because it was 8:00am and he was ready to get his sight back. He heard the taxi stop and he felt Dan shove him gently out.

“I better not open my eyes and find that you’ve written something on my face in my sleep,” Phil said aloud, bumping against Dan as they walked. “People could be staring at me right now and I wouldn’t even know.”

“That’s true, Phil. Who knows. Maybe I did?” he laughed, Phil being able to feel the shaking of his head beside him.

They made it to the office with three minutes to spare and Dan went ahead and signed in his friend, sitting him down to wait. However, because they were almost late, there wasn’t much of a wait and the same doctor came out to greet them both.

“Ah, Mr. Lester! Don’t you two look nice! Are you ready to get your vision back?” The doctor shook both of their hands, Phil obviously getting caught off guard. If the doctor was saying he looked nice, then Dan must have done a smashing job.

“Yes! Please!” Phil exclaimed, nodding and waiting for further instruction.

“Right this way then,” The doctor said, quickly correcting himself when he realized Phil couldn’t see him. “Your friend here will help you back.”

“I can go back with him?” Dan piped up beside Phil. He seemed very excited about this and Phil smiled because it warmed his heart that Dan wanted to be a part of this moment. Even if this moment was a rash decision made with sex in mind.

“Yes, Mr…”

“Howell.”

“Mr. Howell. Your friend won’t be getting surgery today and so the room doesn’t have to be cleared,” the doctor clarified and Phil felt Dan’s arm clench a little harder as they started walking. He must have been excited.

“Take a seat right here, Mr. Lester and I’ll be right back with my supplies.” He left the room fast and Phil heard the door shut.

“Supplies…?” Phil muttered. “What kind of supplies does he need to rip this off my face?”

Dan chuckled.

“Can’t you feel it, Phil? The mask is ingrained into your skull. You’ll need a whole transplant to fix that mess,” Dan joked, Phil grimacing. He knew Dan was lying but his right hand made it up to the mask just to double check.

“I’m scared,” Phil admitted. He wasn’t worried about not being able to see, he was much more worried about what everything was going to look like. “What if the doctors messed up and everything is green.”

“Well…” Dan started, his leg audibly moving up and down. Phil wondered if he was scaring him as well with his crazy irrational thoughts. “Then you just see green. At least your bed sheets will look the same. And all of your houseplants. In fact, I doubt that would change much. That would be the best case scenario actually.”

“Shut up!” Phil laughed, his best friend’s smile could be heard in his tone.

“You’ll be fine, Phil,” Dan reassured, his leg still shaking. Phil could hear his foot on the tile. “Worst case, you’re blind forever and I make you breakfast for eternity.”

“Minus today,” Phil jabbed, grinning from ear to ear.

“Minus today,” Dan repeated, just as the doctor reentered.

“Alright, Phillip! Let’s get that mask off your face.” His footsteps neared and Phil felt the man put his cold hand on the side of his face. He could hear the eye doctor’s breath because of how close he was standing, but he could also hear a shuffling over by where Dan was sitting. He must be fidgeting. Phil was so excited, not being able to focus on one sound. All he wanted to do was look around the room with his new perfect vision and go get pancakes with his best friend. “Are you ready?”

Phil nodded when the doctor dabbed at the tape with a little bit of water and a cotton ball.

“Okay. One, two…” Phil bit his lip in anticipation, deciding the first thing he wanted to look at was Dan. He turned his head towards the younger boy’s direction and braced himself. “Three.”

The doctor ripped off the eye bandage and he blinked a few times, his eyes getting used to the light. Everything was a blurry mess and his eyes were filled with the water they had banked up under the mask. But things started becoming clearer and he realized that Dan was not sitting in the chair like he thought he would be. No, Dan was certainly not sitting. Phil blinked the fuzz away and his vision started clearing as he realized that what he was seeing was not a hallucination. Not a defect on behalf of the doctor. He was staring at his best friend, Dan Howell, on one knee with an open box in his left hand. He knew his vision was perfect when he saw the diamond sparkle.

Phil’s jaw dropped.

He didn’t want to look at anything else. He didn’t turn his head, he didn’t look away, he just let his eyes focus and refocus on Dan’s stance. He was already crying so when the tears fell from his eyes, he didn’t even feel their contribution to his emotions.

“Phil Lester, I know these past couple months have been really weird and I’m sorry I’m bad at talking about any of it. I was so worried I would ruin something by opening my mouth and telling you how I felt. But I said nothing and it only made things worse. I love you, Phil. I have since 2009 when we met. I have since 2012 when we tried to pretend we didn’t. I have since that day in the kitchen…” he looked over at the eye doctor who had clearly never dealt with this scenario before and staying completely silent against the wall, Dan’s eyes going back to Phil’s immediately. “You told me a couple days ago that you wanted a future and a relationship with a definition. I admit that would have scared me back then. Hell, it still scares me. But I don’t look into my future and see anyone else but you in either of our lives and if that’s the definition of commitment, then I’m ready for it. I want it all. I want the friendship, I want the love and most importantly, I want you. So please, tell me, with your 20/20 vision, can you see us moving forward now? Together?”

Phil was speechless. He was holding his breath and sobbing and shaking. Everything was happening at once and he was staring at his best friend in the whole world, who was not going to get up unless Phil said something.

“Will you, Phil Lester, please marry me?”

Phil shut his eyes. It was too much. He slid himself out of his own chair and down to the floor with Dan. He grabbed the ring from the box and looked at it up close. It was beautiful. How the hell did Dan know? The exact cut, the exact size…? He looked up and his dewy eyes were met with brown and perfect ones, staring back with a knowing gaze.

Suddenly, it all made sense. Dan being so quiet when Phil talked to him the other day. The fancy clothes and the breakfast plans. The ring must have been in Dan’s left pocket and with the fear of Phil figuring it out, he switched sides that morning.

Phil’s heart was melting but so was Dan’s. If Phil didn’t say something soon, he might ruin this.

“Yes. Of course. Yes!” Phil said, catching up with the moment and falling into his best friend’s arms. “Oh my God, Dan. I can’t believe-”

He didn’t need to finish that sentence because Dan was sobbing now too, the relief probably hitting him like a brick to the face.

“Oh God, I love you so much,” Dan whispered into his neck as he cried, Phil, rubbing his back. He must have been so nervous this morning. And that’s when it dawned on him. Dan only left the apartment once. He must have been sitting on this the entire three days. That’s when Phil pulled away and looked at Dan’s tear streaked face. All this time. Dan was planning to do this. All this time, Dan was going to propose and he held it all in. Respected Phil and his space, kept him company, made him food and set out his clothes, even after Phil blatantly said he didn’t want to be with Dan.

Dan was an angel. The perfect one for Phil. And now they would be married.

“I love you too,” Phil leaned forward and kissed Dan’s lips tenderly as he pulled him to his feet. They stared at each other longingly for at least twenty seconds before someone cleared their throats behind them. They both turned their heads to the eye doctor that both forgot existed.

“Ahem...um...congratulations fellas,” He bowed his head a little awkwardly, as expected, and then glancing down at his clipboard he wrote something down. “I assume your vision is clear, Mr. Lester?”

Phil turned back to Dan with stars in his eyes. “Yes. Crystal.”

“Well, then we are finished for today. Contact me if you have any issues with your lenses. All your paperwork is done so you are free to go.” He spoke quickly and opened the door for the three to exit the tiny room. Phil let his hand fall into Dan’s and they made their way out and into the city after thanking the doctor briefly.

“Pancakes?” Dan asked, stroking Phil’s ring with his finger and placing a kiss on Phil’s jaw. Phil’s face hurt because of the constant grin but he looked around at the clear world and then back at his fiance, his heart thumping and his breath catching.

“Pancakes.” Phil agreed, walking slowly down the sidewalk, hand in hand, not worried about anyone seeing them because this was it. This was them. Dan and Phil, together forever, and Phil could see it clearly now.

 

 


End file.
